Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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