We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Someone signed my nipple.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
