It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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