i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize