I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
