I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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