Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
