How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
