just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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