Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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