Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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