yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i love accidental penises.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize