just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
