Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
