So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
