he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My ass is underappreciated
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
