I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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