she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
