that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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