I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
