What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
