Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
