My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
