I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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