I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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