I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I intend to get homeless drunk
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
