did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
