sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
