life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
