He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize