Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So much rum. So many feels.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
