Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
