i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
