can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
