I'm eating all of the evidence.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
