what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
