I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
