You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
