Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
