so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
