i can't believe i had my finger in that
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
