It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
