Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
