im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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