Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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