She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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