Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
