also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Even my vagina gasped.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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