It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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