I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
