remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
