One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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