it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
