Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize