this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
