She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize