karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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