My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
