I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
