after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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