ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
