i'm signing you up for texting rehab
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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