One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
