He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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